SHAH ALAM, June 21 — As early as 5.30am, Nazrulhisyam Mokhtar rises from sleep and begins his daily routine of helping his wife prepare and send their children to school.
Upon returning home, the 38-year-old is not hesitant to pick up household cleaning equipment before preparing to resume his daily work duties.
Running a Western food business at Pasar Lambak Seksyen 15 in Bangi requires considerable effort and perseverance. However, that is no excuse for him to neglect the needs of his wife and three children.
Nazrulhisyam willingly 'makes time' to manage his children’s schooling matters, including picking them up, helping them with homework, and ironing their uniforms, before heading out to earn a living until 1am.
Although he only finishes work when most people are already fast asleep, he still ensures that household responsibilities are not left solely to his wife.
For the former engineer, this routine is nothing extraordinary. Rather, it is simply part of his responsibilities as a husband and father within the family.
“A father’s role is not just to provide financially. In the past, we may have seen fathers go out to earn a living while mothers stayed at home to look after the house and children.
"But times have changed; with the high cost of living, both partners need to work. So the stigma that only mothers should manage the household no longer applies,” Nazrulhisyam told Media Selangor.
He also rejects the perception held by some that men who help with household duties are somehow “afraid of their wives”.
Completing household chores before starting work is simply an effort to lighten his wife’s burden when she returns from work.
“To me, a wife is not a maid who should be told to do everything, especially when she works as well. When we get married, we complement each other.
"Where I fall short, she makes up for it. Where she falls short, I make up for it," Nazrulhisyam said.
Originally from Sarawak, he previously faced the hardship of losing his job, but that did not prevent him from fulfilling his responsibilities as the head of the family.
Having been a father for nine years, Nazrulhisyam believes that helping one’s spouse should not be viewed as a sacrifice or an investment in expectation of future rewards.
“A family is not built by the strongest person. We must work hand in hand to become strong together,” he said.
Commenting on the importance of 'me time', Nazrulhisyam said it is essential for parents to avoid excessive exhaustion caused by work pressures and family responsibilities.
“I always tell my wife that if she is tired, she does not need to do it straight away. Rest until you have the energy, then do it.
"If you do things while exhausted, emotions can take over. There is no need for expensive holidays, as even a walk in the park, a shopping trip or a coffee outing is enough.
"As for me, sometimes I take the children somewhere else so my wife can spend some time on herself too,” he said, adding that he occasionally spends time meeting friends as well.
Nazrulhisyam emphasised that being a father is not merely about providing financial support, but also about being present in children’s lives as a guide and source of encouragement.
“Even when I am busy, I will always make time to help them revise their studies and learn to recite the Quran. If they have school activities, we must support them.
"Some fathers may not pay attention to these things, but when both parents are involved, the children enjoy it more,” he said.
No gender bias
Meanwhile, the Malaysian Fathers’ Rights Association's founder Sheikh Faleigh Sheikh Mansor said that society is increasingly accepting that household duties and raising children are no longer responsibilities reserved solely for women.
“Society has changed significantly. There is no longer any gender bias that says fathers must work while mothers stay at home.
“The stigma that men must go to work, and women must look after the home, is outdated thinking. Such stigma should no longer exist, as people who think that way are being sexist,” he said.
Faleigh noted that the shift has been driven by economic factors as well as growing awareness that nurturing qualities and the ability to raise children are not exclusive to mothers.
In his view, married couples should embrace mutual support and avoid blaming one another, particularly when facing financial difficulties or life pressures.
He said that 'me time' should be provided fairly to both partners, as many wives still do not enjoy the same freedom despite also working and managing family responsibilities.
“If a husband can go and play football, a wife should also be able to meet friends or go shopping. It is unfair if wives do not receive the same treatment.
"Does this happen? Yes — 99 per cent of the time. That is why there must be give-and-take.
"“As for men, just because a wife does not ask for something does not mean she does not want it. We need to be more observant,” Faleigh said.
